What Fills the Hole
by Nekosblackrose
Summary: There's a hole in me so big it makes me feel dead. I thought nothing could fill it...but he does.


**A/N: Okay, I know Dean might be slightly/a lot OOC, but I kinda like how this came out and I hope you do too. Please review! Lots of feedback is encouraged! :3 Enjoy!**

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There's a hole in me. A hole so big it makes me feel dead inside. I thought that nothing could fill it-absolutely nothing. But somehow, by some goddamn miracle, he did. Even when he was off on his search for God-his father-I felt him there. It was like he really was the angel on my shoulder. My own, personal, blue-eyed angel. I had fallen for him before I even knew what hit me. It might've been when Sam and I were separated, when he had made me laugh harder than I had in years. That was probably when I started falling for him. It was slow but it had happened. Castiel was what kept me grounded, was what made me whole. He made me complete.

Sure, Sam was another reason I kept going, but if it weren't for Cas…I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably be broken down and in the nut house. Cas was constant. He was there when I truly needed him. Somehow, he just was. I don't know how I came to lean on him when I usually just shouldered the weight on my own. Generally I wouldn't cave until Sammy pulled those puppy-dog eyes of his and forced it out of me. But Castiel… God! Cas just waited, watching with his knowing blue eyes until I cracked. And when that happened he caught me. He steadied me. He calmed me.

At the time I was thinking and reviewing all of this mumbo-jumbo, Cas was sitting up against the headboard of the bed we were sharing, the sheets pooling around his hips and showing off his pale torso. His skin gave off a faint glow in the moonlight that poured in through the motel window. He looked down at me when I shifted and gave a faint smile. I smiled back before yawning.

"Hello, Dean," He said softly. I chuckled and rubbed at my eyes, puffing out a breath.

"Hey," I grumbled before blinking over at the digital clock that sat on the bedside table. The red letters glowed 3:26 AM. I groaned and flopped back against the pillow, my body relaxing again. "Why am I awake?" Cas shrugged and his fingers found their way into my hair, caressing and combing soothingly through the strands.

"You've been asleep for four hours," He explained. I nodded. My usual sleep pattern.

"That explains it," I grumbled, rolling more towards him and reaching out to put my hand on his thigh over the sheets. My thumb rubbed soft circles into the fabric that covered his flesh. Cas watched me, his fingers moving down the side of my face and tracing my jaw. They moved up to outline my lips and then to run over my eyebrows before traveling down the bridge of my nose. I laughed softly when they mapped over my eyelids. When the backs of his knuckles began to caress my cheek I asked, "What're ya doin', huh Cas?"

He was quiet for a few long moments, his head cocked to the side in that way he does when he's thinking. Then he answered, "Feeling you." I couldn't help the smile that tugged on my lips and the laugh that passed them.

"Feel away, Cas," I said stretching slightly, letting the sheet fall further down my torso. "I'm all yours." And it was true. This angel of the Lord with his blue eyes and dark hair and pale skin and undeniably soothing, calming, utterly sexy voice had laid complete and total claim to me the moment he walked into my life. I didn't know it until much later, but I'm glad I did realize it. I wish I had realized it sooner, because God! I had been missing out.

Cas' fingers moved down to my neck and then around to the nape of my neck as he shifted to lie down beside me. He gently pulled me closer and pressed his lips to mine. It wasn't hard and demanding and it wasn't soft and yielding either. It was somewhere in the middle and fucking perfect. I reached out to him and my hand found his hip. I pulled him closer and our legs tangled together under the sheets.

For hours Castiel's hands roamed over my body, feeling, touching, pulling and pushing. I was lost in him, as I always was. The only thing that seemed to ground me was his unbelievably blue eyes. They were always on me, watching my reactions, drinking me in like I was something exquisite. And as he explored me, I explored him and I felt that giant hole in me fill up even more. Slowly but surely, Cas was filling that hole that had been left. He settled between my legs and looked at me for a few long moments as though waiting for something. Sex had been something that Cas had learned well after we'd finally confessed our mixed up and strange feelings.

I nodded and Cas began to prepare me. This was one of the things I loved best about sex with Castiel. When he prepared me he was always so careful, so astute to my reactions. He'd memorized which angle was best to hit my prostate after only one try. One! He was amazing. It took me two tries to memorize where his was, but I wasn't embarrassed, because this was Cas. My angel.

Then he was pushing into me. I was gasping and clinging to him and fighting to keep my eyes open when all they wanted to do was close at the pleasure and the pressure. When he was fully sheathed inside of him he waited until I was used to it. Always careful, always gentle-that was Cas. When I nodded and rolled my hips, that was when he moved. When we were together like this-whether he was thrusting into me or I was thrusting into him-his hand always wandered down to the handprint on my upper harm-_his_ handprint.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down, muffling our sounds with a kiss. We reached our peaks together, falling over the edge of orgasm and into bliss. When I came down Cas was nuzzling against my neck, stroking my sides lovingly. My fingers toyed with the hair at short hairs at the back of his neck. We went a few more rounds, I even took him during a couple of them. After we were sated and laying in post-orgasmic bliss with my head on Castiel's chest, I couldn't help the smile that stretched my lips. Cas was stroking my arm, which was slung over his chest and tucked under his shoulder.

"The sun is about to rise," Castiel stated. I laughed and shifted so that I could look up at him.

"Okay, and?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. He blinked down at me.

"Would you like to watch the sunrise with me, Dean?" He asked. I grinned.

"Why not?" I said, leaning up to kiss him before sitting up and stretching. Castiel watched me and his hand stretched out to smooth over the skin of my stomach and then up my chest. I watched him as his eyes followed his hand's trial. His hand moved over my shoulder and then stopped over his handprint. I saw his lips twitch upwards in a faint smile before his hand dropped and he stood from the bed. I watched him dress for a few moments before I stood and went to dress as well. I grabbed the keys to the hotel and walked out with Castiel right behind me. I leaned against the hood of the Impala and looked out at where the sky was starting to lighten. Cas stood at my side and a bit in front of me, watching as well. I forgot about the sunrise and just watched him.

As the sun rose over the horizon his skin lit up with its light. It was like there was an inner glow about him. I had a feeling it was his true angel essence-or whatever it was called-showing through. It made me smile. And his eyes-my God!-sparkled in the early morning light like the purest of springs. The sunrays played with his dark hair, catching and reflecting in it. He was captivating. I reached out and took his hand in mine, squeezing lightly. He looked back at me, with a bit of a question in his eye. But at my smile, the question vanished and he gave me a smile in return.

Those demons could say all they wanted about this hole inside of me, but Castiel was healing me in ways that they didn't even know. He eased the aches and the pain. He made me feel like I was something, like I was really alive. And when we were separated, I still felt that way, but Cas wasn't gone. He was still there. He had become a part of me as I hoped I had become a part of him. When he stepped closer to me and tilted my head so that he could kiss my forehead before moving down to kiss my lips, I knew that I had become a part of him. I was his, just as he was mine. He was my angel. My blue-eyed angel.

It still makes me smile thinking about it.


End file.
